Erin

See… now my last post was a harmless entry about my fondness for talking smack, but Mr. Owens has posted a false background story on his blog and escalated this bowling thing into an all-out beef. So now we are going to DO THIS… and you are all invited to watch. From now on, it’s non-stop training. This afternoon, I’ll be carrying my bowling ball while running up the steps of the Jefferson Memorial – a la Rocky. I might not win this challenge, but you can bet I’ll be spouting some very colorful commentary while I “eat it.” IT IS ON!

This will be my last post about this whole bowling mess… (Sigh…) Like men often do when they’re scared and intimidated, Dawan has lashed out at me with some very unnecessary comments.
 
After postponing this event twice, it is clear to me that it is his intention to move to LA without EVER having this competition. I UNDERstand, D. You’re scared of being served, (yes, served) by a girl. Do yourself a favor and just admit it…

Or should I say I LOVE it… It doesn’t even matter what I’m trash-talking about — I do it for the sport. Sometimes I talk trash about being better than other people at things I’ve never even tried…

“No I’ve never heard of this activity before. But I’m willing to bet money that I’m better than you!”

Recently, I had plans to go bowling with a friend of mine who shall remain nameless… and Dawan kept telling me how good a bowler he was and how badly he was going to beat me… to which of course my first response was to tell him that he had never seen me bowl and if he thought he was going to beat me, he had another thing coming! (Incidentally, I know no one has used that phrase since the 70’s, but I thought it appropriate for this entry.) I went on to talk so much trash, that I ACTUALLY began to convince myself that I didn’t suck at bowling. Upon realizing that the truth was bound to come out. I retracted my comments, but as we haven’t actually been bowling yet, he doesn’t really know for sure if I suck or if I’m just trying to hustle him…… OK wait, even after I admitted that I suck, I still can’t stop talking smack. I have a problem. Please help me.

I went to the PostSecret Exhibit in Georgetown this afternoon and man. was it heavy… If you don’t know what PostSecret is check out this link. But basically in a nutshell, people design their own postcards, put their deepest darkest secrets on them and then mail them anonymously to this artist who uses them in his exhibits and for his book.  Some of the stuff on the postcards was really disturbing… Some of it was really funny, and then some of it was just plain unbelievable. If you get a chance, pick up the book. Really interesting stuff.

After reading this last post, my friend Trinishia pointed out that if I added the cost of the actual meal to the lockout fee, I actually paid $90.50. Trinishia is an accountant — and a bit of a comedian herself as you can see. Thanks for clearing that up Nishia.

So I’m driving down the NJ Turnpike… It’s snowing and I’m hungry, so I decide to pull off at a rest stop to grab something to eat. I run in to Burger King, get a cheeseburger, fries and drink, go back outside and realize I have locked my keys in the car. I don’t panic right away cuz I’m at a rest stop, right? I can just go over to the garage and ask for some help… So I do that, but these geniuses tell me that they can only open my door if there is a child locked inside. REALLY?… So let me get this straight… You have the tool you need to open my door, but I am being punished because I wasn’t stupid enough to lock my child inside a car in the middle of a snowstorm?… That is FABULOUS… Incidentally, if there had been a child in the car, I’m pretty sure he or she would have opened the door for me. But I digress… I call a towing/lockout company and when the guy gets there he tells me it’s gonna cost $85… and then proceeds to walk all the way around the car and say, “Damn, not one of your windows is rolled down?” Again, REALLY? It’s SNOWING, dude. Do most people ride around with their windows down in the snow? And if one of the windows was down, would I have called you?… Just jimmy the lock you idiot so I can get back on the road.

Most expensive damn cheeseburger I ever ate.

OK, so last nite I went to see Bill Cosby at Meyerhoff Symphony Hall in Baltimore… And in case there was any doubt in any of your minds, he is the MAN! 68 years old, still writing new bits. He’s amazing. And if you’ve ever had the chance to see him live, you know there’s no fanfare involved. No opening act. No announcer… just an hour and 45 minutes of funny. I mean, I was looking for something in my purse and people started applauding, I looked up and he was on the stage sitting in his chair… We should all be so humble. Cosby does everything a stand-up comic isn’t “supposed” to do. He tells long stories, he sits down for nearly the entire show, yet you’re still hanging on to every word he says. That kind of charisma, humility, longevity is so rare… I just hope I’m around long enough to meet him one day :>) He’s my hero.