So you’re going to your first NFL game, but you don’t know much anything about football. Don’t despair; you’ve come to the right place! I may not be able to fashion you (pun always intended) into a football expert in one blog post, but I can definitely help you look the part. As a fanatical football fan who’s been to countless games, I’m happy to share my essential game-day style rules with you. Some will prevent you from having beer and other not-so-readily-identifiable liquids thrown on you, while others will protect you from the ire of serious lady football fans — and trust me, those things are equally uncomfortable.
1. Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize
Forget you’ve ever heard this mantra. This is not Chotchkie’s and you do not need 37 pieces of flair. If you wanna rock some team apparel, a t-shirt, sweatshirt or jersey is sufficient. And a cap or a hat is fine. Too many items at once and you’ll look like you’re at your first rodeo. Now don’t get me wrong, there will be folks there rocking the full-on mushroom shirt/belt/jacket combo, but most of them are just trying to get on TV. Trust, there are more respectable ways to get your 15 minutes of fame (think: sex tape).
This is a “don’t” photo, just in case you weren’t clear.
2. Avoid the opposing team’s colors
Unless you have some really generous friends (that you’d like to introduce me to), you likely dropped $100 or more on a ticket. And since you’re not that into football yet, it’s understandable if you don’t want to shell out money to outfit yourself in team gear. Just be sure to wear something in the color(s) of the team you’re going to support. Do not, under any circumstances, rock any of the colors of the opposing team. Anywhere on your body. Like, for real. I don’t care if it’s 10 degrees out and your only winter coat is purple — if “your team” is playing the Baltimore Ravens, you better borrow an acceptable coat or embrace your impending pneumonia.
3. No pink jerseys
Just trust me on this one. I know a portion of the proceeds from their sale goes to funding important medical research, so I am in no way suggesting that you not support this cause. What I am suggesting is that you do so by writing Komen a check.
4. Wear pantsÂ
You may think this is a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how many women show up to football games in skirts. Never do this. It makes you look desperate and shallow and oblivious to your surroundings, and it’s the embodiment of everything that chauvinistic male sports fans think about us ladies. I’m normally not a proponent of victim blaming, but if you show up to a stadium in a minidress and get bodied by an angry lady football fan… well, then.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr…
5. Wear flat shoes
I know I’ve already told you ‘no pink’ and to tone down the accessories, but I swear I’m not trying to kill your vibe. I understand the desire to turn up your look with a cute shoe or boot (especially if you’re going to the game with your boo-thang), but here are a few reasons why you shouldn’t: First, you’ll likely have to walk a ways from parking or public transportation to the stadium grounds. Next, stadium escalators are for ballers. Unless your seats are on the 100 or club level, you’ll be walking up and down the ramps with thousands of other folks (read: slowly) and stadium steps can be tough to navigate in heels. And lastly, seats in pro-football stadium are just suggestions. Despite how much they paid for them, most folks are gonna stand thru the whole game which means you’ll have to stand too if you want to see any of the action. You still wanna wear heels? Didn’t think so. You’re welcome.
About EJ:
When I was a little girl, my dad signed me up to play a different sport every season. When he watched sports on television, he made me sit and watch with him. “When you grow up,” he’d say, “knowing about sports is going to help you in business and with boys.” “You just wish I was a boy!” I’d scream. In my head. Fast forward a couple decades, and though it hasn’t helped me snag a boy for forever (yet), what began as reluctant sports camp attendance and pop quizzes on game rules and athletes grew into a genuine love for sports. When I hear women complain that their men ignore them during football, basketball or baseball seasons, I always tell them that if they gave it a chance they’d probably learn to enjoy it too (note: if your man ignores you for an entire football, basketball or baseball season, you’re broken up). I don’t know everything about every sport, but I’m happy to share some of the knowledge I’ve acquired with other women who are sport-curious. Thanks for reading!
Aaaannnnddd you’re as good a writer as you are a stand-up comedian. Well done, Erin. Proud to be your friend (now you’re wondering who this is…but you should know. :-)